My life as an ex-offender in a drug rehab center

13th October 2011
Dear Diary,

  Of all obstacles that happened to me, why choose drugs? Was it fate's whims, or just really, a terrifyingly bad luck? I am going to the damn rehabilitation centre, just because the bloody judge ordered me to do so! All this happened all because of that bloody Vincent! It all started one year ago, when I was a bright, brilliant worker and was my boss' favourite! Do you see the contrast? Do you see it? From a noble beginning, it spinned around by fate, to a hound, begging for mercy! I shall unfold the downturn of my life with you and then you think it is my fault or not!

  As I told you, I was a bright, brilliant officer with a wife, and I was about to become a CEO, only blocked by that bloody Vincent! He put some heroin in my drink. From then onwards, my body relied on heroin, and I have no choice but to obey. I then found a drug dealer who sold vast amounts of heroin. Next, my body succumbed to the bloody drug! I wanted more...more...more heroin! Since then, I carried heroin wherever I went...And you guessed it, I ran out of money. So, to sustain my body, I snatched, robbed, stole my company's money...so much money just to buy the damn bloody heroin!! Then, I found some gangsters getting money for heroin, just like me. We were all similar, so we ganged up, terrorized the area, robbed banks and did so much things that I really regretted. However, I have no choice but to keep doing this... Then, my boss found me acting strange lately, due to me having a pale face, yellow eyes and aching a lot. By dumb luck, my boss sent me to a hospital for a checkup. Then, he found out that my body had traces of heroin! My boss and my wife were terribly shaken! From there onwards, there was only despair..despair...and more despair!!! My wife divorced me, I lost my job, my reputation ruined, I have nothing...nothing at all.. Then the police came, caught me, and here I am, going to the Searidge Drug Rehab Centre. Its surroundings calmed me down tremendously, but not enough...never enough to suppress my desire - my wish to seek hatred and revenge!

17th October 2011
Dear Diary,

  Aaaaaargh!!!!! This is the damn fourth day I have been living in hell! I feel terrible...and I have the extreme urge to take heroin -- oh yes! My salvation, heroin...heroin...heroin...! I WANT HEROIN!!! For the past three days, I tried many...many ways to relieve this God damn pain! Punching my legs, rolling on the floor, screaming, nauseous, and having suicidal thoughts. Crap, those bloody workers, they prevent me from doing anything that leads me to salvation! Oh, it hurts...it hurts...IT FREAKING HURTS!!! AAAAAARGH!!!!!!

2nd November 2011
Dear Diary,

It has been about two weeks since cold turkey treatment started. Although the symptoms tingle me a bit, I am much, much better compared to my original state. However, that still means that I have to undergo the cold turkey treatment, sigh...what a pain...Well, since I am almost fully cured, the authorities let me undergo therapy to solve my internal conflicts. Overall I think it is quite good, and I received two treatments: Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Cognitive Bias Therapy (CBM). CBT is basically a talk therapy which sets my goals and I will have to work your way to achieve them, whereas CBM is a computerized system therapy that "trains" the brain to reject drug-related objects, and this is extremely boring. Imagine having to sit in front of a computer, pushing joysticks to things I like and pulling objects from things I do not like. The images repeat itself thirty to forty times. Urgh! In contrast, CBT is magnificent. I get to interact with four other people, including the counsellor, to talk about my problems and my future. The counsellor cracks jokes to entertain everyone when the session starts to get too boring. Besides that, I met new friends and formed a strong bond with them, and we seem to understand  one another's feelings, maybe because we suffer from the same problem.
  Now, my symptoms are almost gone. I start to feel the tranquility of the place. The place, Annapolis Valley, faces the sea and had mountains surrounding it. The air is less polluted and I enjoy it, especially at night, when I leave the window open, it becomes a natural air-conditioner. The beautiful melody of the waves hitting the beach is like a lullaby putting me to sleep. As for my diet, I get to indulge in very healthy food. Food seems to be tastier now to my taste buds, which are previously suppressed by heroin.

12th November 2013
Dear Diary,

  Today is my day in the rehabilitation centre. Finally, after thirty long days, I can face the society once again. I flipped through my previous entries, and I am truly amazed at how my behaviour had changed tremendously from rough and violent person to a gentle and calm new me. Looking back at my past, I feel grateful for being sent into the rehabilitation centre. I shall not forget the ordeal which I went through. It is my turning point in my very own story, which is yet to end. Facing society will be hard but with faith and bravery, I will overcome any obstacles that come in my way. However, I feel something is missing. Oh yes! My good friends! Looks like I will have to gain their trust in me again and accept the new me.
  Goodbye, my old self. Hello to a new me!



Written by,
Neoh Zhi Wen
Sri Kuala Lumpur International School